s
what we commonly refer to as - Sacrifice
But the moment sacrifice is discussed
we get uncomfortable
What does it mean? Do I have to give up everything?
Whatever my heart says and all my desires! Should I leave everything?
This appears to be a very miserable life!
But here we need to understand the difference between
sacrifice and compromise
When we talk about sacrifice,
sacrifice is an excellent quality
and which quality is it? That I am giving up one of my valued thing
to achieve something that is better
Thus a positive attitude is cultivated
But what is compromise?
I am giving up a very good opportunity and
in return I will be getting a lot of difficulties
So today we have understand this difference and
while understanding the difference
we have to see that even if we have to discard a few things
So that we get better things
in this world as well as in the hereafter
And that is what we are going to discuss today
I have with me Dr. Farhat Hashmi
Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings
Onto you Peace and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings
And with me is also Sr. Yasmeen
who raises good questions, as well as comments
Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings
Onto you Peace and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings
Doctor! Please tell us about the sacrifice that we make
How much should we sacrifice, how to sacrifice and what is the importance of sacrifice?
Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings
All our Praise is for Him (Allah), and we invoke His blessings on His Noble Messenger (Muhammad)
To proceed
I seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious the Most Merciful
My Lord, expand for me my breast and ease for me my task
And untie the knot from my tongue
That they may understand my speech
We were discussing about the rules for a successful marriage
and what are the essential things
which can be adopted by a person to run a successful marriage life
A happy life
One of the most important thing we see
is to sacrifice
If we look around and see
we come to know that the world runs on the basis of sacrifice
For example; when we sow a seed in the earth,
only after that seed ruins itself,
a sapling grows from it
and it turns into a tree giving fruits and flowers
Similarly, there are many other things, for example,
the seawater, which wipes out its own existence
and goes up in the form of vapor
That forms clouds which turn into rain
and gives new life to the dead earth
In the same way we see different crops being harvested
and fruits being plucked, so that man can eat them
Thus they are all getting sacrificed for us
Where do we get meat from? Where do we get milk from?
Each and everything that reaches us, crosses a phase of sacrifice
Thus our Deen teaches us to sacrifice
as it is mentioned in the Qur’an (Arabic Verse)
They give others a priority over themselves
means they sacrifice for the sake of others
If they are in need themselves,
even if they are hungry
whoever is saved from the greed the miserliness of heart
They are the ones who will be successful
Thus we come to know that if a person desires success then it is essential for him
to give others a priority upon himself
Who are those others?
They could be our own brothers and sisters,
they could be relatives or even strangers
as well as in a marriage life for a person they could be his nearest ones,
her husband, her in-laws, her new family members,
everyone is included in it
What our Deen teaches us is that
“They give others a priority upon their own selves”
They put the needs of others before their own
If both, husband and wife think
my right, my needs, my desires
but ignores the needs of the other
then in that case mutual relations cannot be happy
when rights have to be snatched
But if a person considers the need of the other
and in order to fulfill that need,
he sacrifices his own time, his life and his emotional needs,
only then he can bring happiness
Today if we sacrifice for the sake of others,
then tomorrow somebody else will also sacrifice for us
But this does not mean that it should be always the woman who should be sacrificing
or only the male should be sacrificing
Or only the in-laws should sacrifice
or only the daughter-in-law should sacrifice
but everyone has to sacrifice
Sometimes our own needs, our own emotions
and sometimes our own desires
so that they may make others happy, provide them tranquility,
and fulfill their needs
In this issue we have an excellent role model in Hajrah (Allah be pleased with her)
Hajrah was the wife of Ibrahim (peace be upon him)
and when Ismail (peace be upon him) was born,
Ibrahim, according to the command of Allah,
brought them in the empty valley of Makkah and then
How she sacrificed everything she had!
When Ibrahim (peace be upon him) was leaving the two,
she went after him and said;
You are leaving us in a valley where there is no human, no shelter
nor a house, nor any food to eat nor a mattress to sleep or dresses to wear
You just name it which thing was present there, there was nothing
so she said, “Where are you leaving us?”
She kept on asking him again and again
yet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) did not even look at her
because he knew that if he looks at them his heart might slip
and he would have to return with a heavy heart
Finally, Hajrah asked, “has Allah commanded you to do this?”
Ibrahim (peace be upon him) replied, “Yes”
Upon hearing this, Hajrah said, “Then Allah will not cause it to be in vain.
If this is the command of Allah then there must be good in abundance in it”
And she returned
Allah Almighty has discussed this incident even in the Qur’an
You must note that Hajrah was a historical lady
who sacrificed everything she could
A person should try to perceive her sacrifice
Parting of her husband, her child's hunger, his panting,
lack of basic necessities of life
and in the season of cold and winter,
Without the presence of a human being, the child was not even in a position to talk
There was no telephone in those days,
she could not even talk to anyone, she could not even express her feelings
There was no one who could earn for her, no supply of food and water,
but since it was the command of Allah, she accepted
In the same way we must also see a marriage
as a command of Allah and accept it
At times when a person does not get a proposal of his own choice
and accepts whatever he gets
then later he regrets the marriage
Thinking that this place is not good for me, this person is not good for me,
this girl or boy is not good for me
these in-laws are not good for me etc
Thus people forget that it was a part of destiny
it was a decision of Allah
Allah made this person your spouse
Now you should accept it
because when a person accepts something that “this was written in my destiny"
and this was the decision of Allah”
Then Allah Almighty opens the gates of goodness for that person
Hard times do pass away, even in hard time of Hajrah it too passed away
but she set an example for the people till the day of judgment
She ran on Safa and Marwah
Today, a persons Hajj and Umrah can only be completed
when he runs like that
She was a lady yet she set an example for all because of her sacrifice
That place which was inhabited is now the worlds most crowded place
That place where no one cared to face its direction is now
a most desired place for Muslims to go
and no matter how many times he goes there yet he never gets enough
What was it? It was a sacrifice
that sowed love in the hearts of millions of people
not only for the people but also for the place
They built House of Allah and it became a place of security for people
and this was all a result of sacrifice
Had Hajrah not observed patience or sacrificed at that time
then where would we have been today?
In the same way a person has to sacrifice his wealth and life,
and in this we see the example of Khadijah (peace be upon her)
When the Prophet (peace be upon him) married Khadijah he was 25 years old and she was 40
Was there no sacrifice in this marriage?
The Prophet (peace be upon him) marrying a lady 15 years older to him
Later, when the Prophet was bestowed with Prophet hood,
how much did Khadjah sacrifice her possessions? She sacrificed her wealth and everything
and when the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to go to cave of Hira for days,
how she consoled him and supported him!
When he returned fearful after meeting the Angel
and when he got the first revelation,
how did she encourage him!
At what landmarks did she give her support!
Even when the Prophet (peace be upon him) was at Sheb Abi Talib,
where there was nothing for a human being to eat,
she accompanied him though she was in the last years of her life
and she was among the richest woman of Makkah
But she sacrificed her entire wealth
for him and for the Deen of Allah
Whenever the Prophet (peace be upon him) remembered her,
he used to appreciate her a lot
he said, “Allah has not given me a better wife than her”
“She believed in me when others rejected me,
she testified my truthfulness when others were belying me,
she showed her concern towards me with her wealth
when others kept me away from their wealth
and Allah gave me children through her”
In other words, he went on appreciating her good qualities.
Why? Because Khadijah sacrificed her everything to support him
She braved enmity with her own people and
and discarded her every comfort and luxury in order to give him comfort
When he was under a different feeling and asking “Please cover me", it was she who covered him.
Then she even went to Waraqa bin Naufal for him
and thus she is an excellent example of sacrifice
In the same way we find in the lives of other female companions too.
A very striking example about a person who once came to the Prophet (peace be upon him)
and asked for something to eat
He sends a message to all of his wives to check
if there was some food but nobody had anything to eat except water.
Then one of the companions offered to take the man as his guest
But when he reaches home with his guest
there was very little food at home that could suffice either children or his family or the guest
They got the children to sleep hungry
and blew off the lamp allowing the entire food to be eaten by their guest
While he pretended to eat though he was actually feeding the guest
and did not display his condition
To tolerate hunger while giving away one's food to someone else
and to feed him is a big sacrifice in itself.
Allah laughed out at their action out of happiness
that my slave has made such a huge sacrifice!
Thus remember that even
in family life, unless a person does not sacrifice for the sake of Allah,
the real sacrifice is not possible
We sacrifice our animals with enthusiasm
but when it comes to sacrifice from our selves we are not ready
sacrificing our ego, our wealth and time
These are few very small things but it increases love immensely
We claim a lot about love
but the claim of love can never be true till
it has a shade of sacrifice in it
It is easy to declare I love you but
but it is difficult to prove
and it demands sacrifice right at the first moment
Like we have an example of Asma
how she helped her husband,
she used to take care of his horse
and used to say that there was no other difficult task as taking care of the horse
Though it is not a responsibility of a woman to help her husband in such work
It is not a legal duty but yet it
becomes an ethical duty
at times when things are difficult
Similarly she used to grind the seeds for the camels as well
and fed the camels with water along with stitching the water bag too
Then after some time the Prophet (peace be upon him) sent her a servant
upon which she said that I felt as if
he had set me free, such was the difficulty I was in
But as long as she underwent this hard time she had to do all the work
and she never showed a feeling of contempt nor did she complain to anyone
But she worked happily
Thus if there are such circumstances in someone's life
which could be; either loss of job
And for some women, along with running the house while bearing children
has to take up a job as well
Sometimes these phases are temporary
Thus if a person takes up these duties while hoping a reward from Allah
So for him, not only a high status in the hereafter
but also the worldly life turns into a happy one
And sometimes such situations when resources are less
and in that circumstance the person should not compare with others
Sometimes a person has to sell of his possession
or be deprived of his own rights
It could be due to a sickness of the spouse
or someone's job gets transferred in other country
Then a sacrifice is to be given in terms of separation
Thus a person should not declare himself to be unfortunate
in such circumstances, he should think that it is time for my status to be high
And this is also a temporary situation which will pass Insa’Allah
And a person should also try to run his house with little resources as well
Once Fatima (Allah be pleased with her) came to know that
the Prophet has some slaves and he was distributing them
so she went to request the Prophet (peace be upon him)
But when she reached his home she found that he was not there
so she left a message with Aisha
asking for a servant
When the Prophet (peace be upon him) came to know about the request of Fatima,
he went to her house at night
Ali and Fatima (Allah be pleased with them) were lying on the mattress.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) sat between the two and offered them
“Should I not show you a tasbeeh
that will remove all your tiredness?
when each one of you goes to bed to sleep,
Recite: 34 times Allahu Akbar
33 times Alhamdulillah
and 33 times SubhanAllah
This deed is better than what you have requested me to give
It means that recitation was better than a servant for her
If he had willed,
was it not possible for him to provide all the luxury to his children?
But he set an example and
displayed a sacrifice and encouraged his children to sacrifice
and taught them tasbihaat to recite because he knew that
His Ummah will have lots of people who may not be able to afford servants
they will need a method to drive away their difficulties and tiredness
So he taught them the way of Dhikr
And it is true that it is extremely beneficial
for a person who adopts this Dhikr
In the same way we see that the women folk
sacrificed in various ways
sometimes sacrifice via hunger and sometimes by giving away wealth
Sometimes sacrificing their health
and sometimes giving away their own rights
Sometimes sacrifice their own turn as wife
the way Sauda gave her turn to Aisha
So all these opportunities are such that a person
would let go off his own rights for the sake of the other persons happiness
and cooperates with others
thus making their home a happy one
And do remember that after every night there is a day
after darkness there is light
it never happens that a person is always surrounded by hard times
but many a times, the joy that arrives
after a hardship is much greater
In the life of a woman there are many sacrifices,
bearing children itself is a sacrifice
She gets physically tired
and it leads to sickness
She feeds the child and also sacrifices her sleep
but after doing all this she gets a lot of things in return
The coolness of eyes, the affection that she receives from her children
being productive and busy at all times
and all other factors become a source of tranquility too
So it is not that when we sacrifice we are only giving
but rather after giving we are also receiving
When a grain is sowed in earth and it gets decayed
but the result is a production of 700 grains
At times we give one thing but we get lots in return
Even our children,
they can also be our sadaqa e jaariyah (a continuous charity)
They can be a source of honor in the world
So a person should never be afraid
or be tensed when making a sacrifice
May Allah reward you with goodness
You spoke about children and
and after listening to the story of Hajrah (Allah be pleased with her)
I was thinking that by sacrificing
she left a huge benefit for generations to come
and set an example
Many a times I see that in a married life
that the husband and the wife may not get along well
and they have children who also undergo suffering
and it is a part of sacrifice that they should think about their children too
But many wives or husbands
do no think about them (children)
but are so desperate to get out of the mess
that they think children to be a secondary issue to be tackled later
So kindly guide us about this too
Yes, many a times a person becomes selfish
and in order to be happy he makes other people sacrifice
and plays with their lives or makes their lives a living hell
So in such a circumstance a person must think
that just to think about one's own self
and ignore the issues concerning their offspring's
and to adopt a careless attitude towards them is not right
And the final outcome of this is not a benefit but only a loss
I was also thinking about the role given to woman, by Allah,
that she generates peace and tranquility at home
means a man expects peace and tranquility from his wife
So for achieving this peace it is essential that in trivial issues like
scuffle with mother-in-law or sister-in-law or with anybody
And the moment the husband returns, she piles these small complaints
so I feel that a man whose role is to establish goodness in society,
If he is tied up in such domestic issues then he cannot remain productive,
so if a woman decides firmly that it is her duty
to provide peace and tranquility to her husband
and solve her issues mutually
And if she is capable to solve such issues mutually
then she can play a major role because we
feel that since she is just a housewife, she has nothing to contribute
But the role chosen by Allah
for the upbringing of children and to provide tranquility to her husband
then these should be the parameters for every girl to think about
To become a source for peace and tranquility
Besides this, the concept of single parenting
These days a lot of women have taken up jobs and bringing up children
too then she thinks that "I don’t need a husband"
And you can see the case of Hajrah
how she took care of her child all alone
And more over when Ibrahim (peace be upon him) comes
and informs that he has seen a dream,
the child is so loving towards the father that he is ready to be sacrificed as well
Therefore children should not be incited or brain washed against their father
What would you say on this?
Surely, but these things can be possible only when we sacrifice our emotions
because sometimes, due to petty issues,
a person thinks that his rights are being snatched away
Thinking that he should also get something
Thus when a person understands that by controlling his feelings
he is going to benefit on the long run
in the form of a successful outcome
I would like to ask you one more thing,
there is a person who is always on the altar of sacrifice
Thinking that he has to set his family issues straight
Now, on one side he has a wife who demands her rights
and on the other side, is his mother who too has her own desires
Then in a given situation how can he categorize
whether he should be obeying his mother
or fulfill the demands of his wife
He wants to sacrifice but how will he do it?
I feel that the women should prove their wisdom in this issue
and should not drag the man in the test
And both the women will have to
make sacrifice of their own emotions and
by doing so the man may be able to do justice
Because the man will be asked (on the day of judgment) about the rights of his mother
as well as the rights of his wife
Thus both the women should cooperate
so that his accounts may be easy and his task be easier
I wanted to ask one more thing
If someone wants to make a sacrifice in his life
and he thinks that he wants to live his life nicely
What are his limits? How long should he make sacrifices?
Allah has given you some rights and
the person feels that she is not getting her rights
though I have fulfilled all my rights, claiming that,“I have gone over board”
and “I have to worked more than I need to”
What should she think? Is there a limit for this?
Many a times it happens that we are exaggerating
and we are not sacrificing as much
as we are displaying before others
And at times we are capable to do more yet
we display selfishness
Thus every person should realize what are his limits and what should he do
But those men and women who believe in Allah
and hope for a reward from Allah
then for him it is easy to tolerate big difficulties
The biggest difference between a believer and a disbeliever is that
that the believer makes all his decisions while keeping his hereafter in view
That Allah does not let the efforts of Mohsin (one who is excellent) go in vain,
that if I am doing good, in spite that others are not
even then it will be never wasted
This is because Allah has promised that those who have believed, male or female,
we will let him live a good life in this world as well
It is not possible that you do good deeds
and you will not get any reward for it, it is not possible
This perception is very wrong
that we are the only ones who are doing good and others are not doing anything
The day you will be able to see the sacrifices made by others,
that day your situations will improve
The media has a big role to play in this,
when they show in movies and dramas that it is only
one person who is giving all the sacrifice and gets tired and yet he does not get any results
And if at all he gets a result, it was not the way he wanted,
thus our people, after watching such things
start thinking that we should not give such sacrifices
I wanted to ask one more thing,
that many a times our youth think that
why should I sacrifice my career?
The talents that I have got, my career and my potential
do not deserve to be sacrificed for my spouse
If you observe a girl sacrificing her career
then it is not that she is only obliging her husband
I feel that she is obliging upon her own self
because at times in order to fulfill her new duties, specially giving birth to children
and their upbringing
if she has to give less time to her career
Or even if she has to quit
In that case she is not losing but along with it she is gaining as well
because whatever work she is doing at that time
is not less important but very important
So in such cases no person should think that way
nor should take it as an obligation
but take it as a change in her role
that what is more important for me during this crossroad of my life
Sometimes a person may be doing both the duties together
but unable to give rights to any of the two,
rather committing extreme upon one's self
I understand that there are three phases in the life of a woman which are very important
First is pre-marriage phase, where she has to get educated
and if get a chance she can even work
This phases is a preparation phase where she is preparing herself
herself to play a future role of a wife and mother
The second phase arrives when she is a wife where she has to establish her home
and take care of the upbringing of her children
where she has to find time for it
Now she should never compare her present life with the previous phase
because the role has changed now
and during this role there comes some extreme moments
when children are still small
But a time comes soon when children grow up and they take care of themselves
so in this condition if the woman wants to get back to her talents
and if she has time and potential then she
can proceed so that she may prove to be a productive women
But she has to wait for this phase with immense patience
she has to pass her time and by the will of Allah she will find ease along with hardships
There was one more thing that I want to ask you
Sometimes we see in a marriage life or it is taught to the children
that we encourage them to live with sacrifice
but at times husbands expect sacrificing those things that
Leads from halal to haram
and the daughters are grinded
and get involved into haram where
begins the disobedience of Allah
how can they clearly know where to draw the line?
so that the balance in sacrifice is evident?
This is possible only if she is well grounded with sound knowledge of religion
and able to understand what is allowed and disallowed for her
This is because while pleasing people, one should not displease Allah,
but this has to be taken along with wisdom only then
life can be happy
otherwise in the garb of Allah’s command it is not correct to see your personal gains
Everything should be placed in its place
May Allah reward you with goodness
So viewers, we have understood that if we want happiness in marriage life
and a peaceful environment
then we have to remain on the surface of sacrifice
and sacrifice is not possible unless
there is one element and that is ‘Ownership’
This means that if you sacrifice but keep on putting up banners of your sacrifices
announcing the list of your sacrifices then your life will be very miserable
and full of negativity
But if you own it, which means that whatever I have done
I did it to save my marriage
My Lord knows how I have done it,
I know this will cause a blessing in my life
and even my hereafter will be better
Then you will see that with time, many of your issues will improve
Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings