e was fixed to run human society
This marriage becomes a source of our happiness
If we apply it in the light of Qur’an and Sunnah we can include a lot of benefits in our lives
But it is essential to understand these things...
First, what did Allah tell us in the Quran and accordingly we need to study Hadith.
We also need to see, while staying in our society how do we include these teachings in our lives
We do not listen to good things attentively nor we act upon them
Therefore our lives get polluted by poisonous actions which makes us irritated and depressed
We want to get rid of them and we remain confused as what to do
Once I had read a very interesting quotation somewhere,
That, marriage is not a 'noun’ but it is a 'verb’
It is not a mere word just to be heard but an action to be done
Who will do it, how will he do it ,we all have to think about the contribution of each one of us
While playing our role properly
In this context, we are presenting you a series where we will discuss which important things are to be done
Towards which we need to pay attention and things from which we need to save ourselves
We have to correct ourselves as well as get concerned about our next generation
As to what do we have to teach them
Right now I have two of my companions with me and they will inform us about these issues
Let me introduce both of them to my viewers
With me is Dr. Farhat Hashmi
Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings
And unto you Peace and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings
And along with me is Sr. Yasmeen
Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings
And unto you Peace and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings
Dr. Farhat! I would like to initiate the program with a question to you
What is the need of a married life?\NHow does our Deen guide us about it?
All our Praise is for Him (Allah), and we invoke His blessings on His Noble Messenger (Muhammad)
To proceed
I seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan,
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious the Most Merciful
My Lord, expand for me my breast And ease for me my task
And untie the knot from my tongue that they may understand my speech
Allah SubhanahuwaTa’ala declares in the Qur’an:
O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam)
and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa (Eve)]
and from them both He created many men and women
and fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights)
and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship).\NSurely, Allah is Ever an All-Watcher over you (Surah An-Nisa, Verse 1)
We learn from this verse that after Allah created Adam, the very next person to be created
Was his wife, Hawwa (May peace be upon her)
This is how the human generation started
This shows us the institution of marriage and the relation by marriage
That the halal communion between man and woman is only by marriage
And when Allah put them in Jannah (Paradise), at that time too he said:
We commanded Adam and his wife to stay in Jannah (Paradise)
If we notice we realize that besides human spices, The rest of the creations are also created in pair
This includes not only animals but also other creations
It is quite natural for a man that instead of having a lonely life
It is beneficial for him to work in a pair
Allah declares that he is the creator of the Heavens and the Earth,
He has made for you from your selves, your mates
And made pairs even for animals
He disperses you in the earth
It means that not only in the humans
But such arrangement are made even for animals too
Then the concept of spouses for human is tied through the relations of Marriage
That means Nikah was made essential not only for common man
But also for the Prophets too
It means that Nikah was declared to be the Sunnah of the Prophets
Allah says in the Qur’an: Surely we sent Messengers\Nbefore you and gave them wives and children
Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also declared Nikah to be his Sunnah (tradition)
He said: Nikah is from my Sunnah
And whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not from me
A marriage strengthens Emaan (faith)
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: When a person marries\NHe completes his half Deen
So it is essential for him that he should fear Allah while achieving the rest of the half Deen
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) also said:
Whoever gives for the sake of Allah or takes for the sake of Allah
And loves for the sake of Allah\NHates for the sake of Allah
And marries for the sake of Allah. Then he has completed his Emaan (faith)
Thus Nikah is a source to complete one’s faith
And this is highly encouraged
Once the Prophet (peace be upon him) sent a marriage proposal to Umme Mubasshir
She replied that I had promised my husband that I will not marry anyone after you
Upon this the Prophet (peace be upon him) said that such condition is not approved
Thus a woman putting a condition that she will not marry any other man after her husband dies
Is not a correct condition according to Deen
Thus after considering all these verses and hadith it is clear that
As our religious obligation, marriage is a must
It is a natural action, completes the faith, it is the Sunnah of Prophets
And the best are those who fulfill these human needs through marriage
Adopting halal and permitted means
This applies not only to men but also for women
All great women of Islam were married, except Maryam bint Imran\NBut she too passed through the phase of pregnancy and delivery
Thus the completion of a man or a woman's Emaan (faith) takes place when they pass through Nikah
Similarly, the best provision of the world is said to be a pious women
In regard to this, a verse was revealed
Those who collect gold and silver and do not spend in the way of Allah
For them is a notification of severe punishment
When the companions heard this verse they asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him):
If we do not collect gold and silver then which wealth should we possess?
Which would be the best thing that we can collect for ourselves?
So he replied: A tongue that remembers Allah
A grateful Heart
And a Muslim Wife who helps to strengthen the Emaan (faith) of her man
Thus she is declared to be the best provision of the world
In another hadith the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) has said:\NThis world is a place to pick benefit
And the best provision is a pious woman
Thus Marriage life is declared to be full of virtues whereas asceticism and monasticism is disliked in Islam
Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) says that the Prophet (peace be upon him) has forbade remaining unmarried
Similarly it is reported from Anas bin Malik that the Prophet (peace be upon him) used to command people to get married
And showed dislike towards those who turned away from Nikah
And he used to say: Marry affectionate and fertile women who can produce children
So that I can be proud of the number of my Ummati, before the numbers of the Ummati of other Prophets
Thus it is also a fact that a person who does not get married is turning away from the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him)
The Prophet even said that rejecting a good proposal of marriage is a cause of rise of Fitnah (trails)
He said, "Whenever you get a proposal from a person
whose deen and character satisfies you
Then get your daughter married to him
And if you don't do it then there will be fitnah (trial & tribulation) on the earth
It means that there will be a reduction of Deen in a human’s life
Human relations too can be corrupted
And doors of immoral relations will be opened
Resulting a destruction of Deen and Duniya of many people
Similarly when a man gets married
He is actually obeying the commands of Allah
Thus when his Emaan is completed, he gets reward for it
Along with it, his life becomes a source of peace, affection and mercy
As it is mentioned in the Qur’an:
And among His signs, is that He has created mates for your from your selves
So that you may find solace in them\NAnd we have made affection and mercy between you
Indeed in these ayah are signs for people who reflect (Surah Ar-Room, verse 21)
Thus we are even commanded to ponder on the virtues of marriage
It is also mentioned in other place in the Qur’an that
He has created man and gave him a wife so that
He gets peace through her
Because peace is a need for every man
And Allah made arrangement for acquiring peace through permitted ways
Thus our attentions are drawn toward it and encouraged to perform it
And a lot of benefits are shown to us
It is informed to us as a way to save the modesty of humans
Thus avoiding wrong ways
Along with the continuation of human race all are a result of marriage
Therefore it is very essential that man understand this relations properly
And becomes aware of the commands of Allah
And adopts marriage as an act of worship of Allah
May Allah reward you with goodness. You have explained it to us in a very nice way
I would like to ask you here that
Our early generations did not only understood this but also applied in their lives
And they lived a very good life
But if we take up this topic before today's youth, the first thing they would say:\NWe will take this into consideration
But along with it they would also say "we have to look at our career too”
"And we have many other responsibilities too, we would like to fulfill them first”
"That's why right now we are not having marriage on our minds”
"Then why do you force us to get married”
So what can be explain to such youth?
It is necessary that a person understand that
Marriage neither stops you from education nor is a hurdle to your career
Nor it does interfere in mans personal life
Rather it happens that a man gets relief to his natural instinct after marriage
He is able to focus on his duties
He is able to work even harder because his Emaan (faith) is strengthened
And he gets saved from many evils that was a burden on his conscious\NAs it happens when a person adopts sinful ways
Therefore when he considers his career, his education as his responsibilities
Similarly marriage too is a religious duty and it is not that
If you fulfill one duty then you are exempted from other duties
A person should adopt his life-style in such a way that he fulfill everyone's right
Any that gets extreme,
Attention on careers, he would only focus on it and then ignore other duties towards human relations and other things
Such a life can cause loss to his worldly life as well as Akhira (hereafter)
You are right as you said he throws such duties back
But it does not remain thrown back,
as you see in many of our schools today
Children as young as in second and third grades are writing love letters to each other
Therefore the immodesty, the vulgarity and media exposure that is prevalent in our society
We have blocked the halal way that Allah had shown us while keeping the haram (forbidden) options open
So would you too like to ask something?
I would like to ask Dr. Farhat, what should be suitable age for youth to get married?
In early days marriages used to take place at a very young age
But I feel that they used to get adjusted to such ways
In those days education was not a craze; even a metric passed girl was considered to be suitable for marriage
But in our times what should be the right age for children that we insist that they should get married
When the child reaches the age of puberty and a desire is developed
And if they are in a position to fulfill their responsibilities
They should be married because we just discussed that
When you get a proposal from a person whose character and Deen satisfies you, don't refuse
Only if a girl reaches the age of marriage, will she get a proposal
In such circumstances a rejection of the proposal will cause to be a reason of fitnah (trials) and turmoil
As far as the education of girls is concerned, it can be continued even after Nikah
And you raised a very important point that if marriage takes place early then adjustment becomes easy
Both of them grow up together and plan future life together and also they get to tolerate each other more
So Dr. Farhat it appears according to you that the mothers of the daughters are more worried than the mothers of sons
Somehow the mothers of sons prefer that their sons should be independent
They take 30 to 32 years to be independent
And at that age when they search for girls there is a huge age gap between the two
That's my concern that shouldn't the mothers of sons
Should get their sons married. When their sons are 23 or 24 especially when the family is well to do?
Definitely they should be married because when a boy has reached the age of marriage and if his parents don't get him married
And if he falls into any evil, then the sin will be upon him as well his parents
That is why, our Deen which guides us is most valuable to us than everything
And when a Muslim thinks about any decision, he will not consider the worldly parameters
That how perfect a boy is according to worldly needs
And beyond basic necessity how much luxury is he able to provide the wife
And thus delaying marriage due to such reasons and many a times
It takes years to accommodate the views of all the relatives and wait for them
So and so will come from USA and so and so will come from Australia only then the nikah will take place
Thus they keep on delaying
That is why these hurdles are just to decorate our worldly life and make it unique
These things have nothing to do with our Deen
A believer's decision is taken after considering his akhera
That what will his benefit in his life after
If I keep aside this command of Allah what will be my lose in Akhira (hereafter)
It is essential to think from this viewpoint
It is not enough to put your worldly need before you
We are observing that the more the Nikah are being delayed, the more the problems have sprung up
Many mothers are fed up of their children chatting
So if you offer them halal chatting options at home it is better for them
It happens many times that the things in which we want our sons be independent
They never get independent in them but we have made them so independent in these things
That they say we are so comfortable in this life style that we don't have any restriction
We can go anywhere and return any time then why should we take up responsibilities
If we marry we will have restrictions and we will have to do lot of extra work
Then we will have kids and their responsibilities
These reasons or excuses are becoming problems so how do we address them?
Firstly, if a person thinks
that by not marrying he is free and independent then in real sense he is still not as free as he thinks
And it is said in the Hadith too that the world is a prison and while staying in the world
He has to fulfill his duties in one way or other
Every person is responsible for his own actions
and a person should think that
Whatever duties will he be performing after Nikah whether it is
Spending on his wife or his children, then how rewarding is it for him!
For example, it is mentioned in a Hadith that every dinar that you spend on yourself
And every dinar that you spend on your family,
then every dinar that you spend on your family is rewarding
And it is also a charity for him, for example
It is narrated in Hadith that if a man puts a morsel of food in his wife’s mouth
Then even that is counted as a charity
In other words, marriage is a source for a person to earn immense reward in Akhira (hereafter)
We also come to know from other Hadith
that the intimate moments between a husband and a wife is also a source of reward
It becomes a part of Ibaadah (worship)\NIbadaah is not only Salah (prayer)
And that a person sacrifices his Akhira (hereafter) for the sake of building his career is not a beneficial thing for him
Thus when you fulfill your duties, though it is a worldly need? Yet it is highly rewarding in Akhira (hereafter)
Besides this, your children that you beget are accounted as your continuous charity
There are three things that benefits a person after his death and one of them is his pious children
But if a person leaves the world leaving behind no children then who will pray for him?
We come to learn from a Hadith that a person’s grades in Jannah (Paradise) are raised higher,
so he asks, "O My Lord! Why?”
It is said to him that it is due to the supplications of your children and their Istighfaar (repentance), that your grades are raised higher
The benefits of Nikah in world are surely there but there are benefits even in the hereafter as well
It can also happen that if a man marries late and then he gets kids
He may not be able to take care of his upbringing
Then such kids are dependent upon others as burdens
Thus a man should not run away from duties thinking it to be a freedom
In that case even TV should be stopped because many youth may see quarrels and fights between couples in TV programs and fear marital life
That this too would be awaiting for them if they marry
And the peace and tranquility that you spoke is not even seen in real life roles and practical life nowadays
And now a days these types of exposures
Actually in our times halal is being presented in such a way that fear get frightened of it
And haram (forbidden) is presented in a very alluring manner
The billboards are also so alluring
Yes, and haram (forbidden) relations are presented in a very tempting manner and it is easily available
And halal is turned into a very difficult thing
And marriage has been made so difficult to be conducted and then other post marriage protocols
Have made marriage almost impossible
And the social rituals that are attached to marriage has made it more difficult
We have to ponder into the fact that by being an individual member of Ummat e Muslim and a worshiper of Allah
What are our responsibilities in such situations and what are the corrections required
That we are able to explain on the day of Judgment too
Dr. Farhat, there is one more issue, with regards to the mothers of girls
Is that they do look for good proposals
but they reject those proposal for petty things
For example, the boy is still studying and has a year to complete his studies or still has to settle in his career
Can you put your comments on it because there is a responsibility on them too as mothers
It happens because we focus on the things that are evident
We think that those things which appear to be beneficial will be beneficial in the long run
Many a times it appears that some young boys begin their career in a very humble way
Then they grow up in the matter of Deen as well as duniya
Thus small issues should not be prioritized and reject proposals
It will cause more harm than benefit
Rather the girl (Bride) will come along with her own destiny with blessings
That's why it is better for parents to get their boys and girls married at the right time
As they say that when a child is born parents pass hopeful comments
My son will be a doctor and this son will be an engineer
Similarly they should also say "he will get married”
And will marry at the right time
And will become a good father too
Infact our mindset is not like that, rather we keep on postponing
Therefore being parents it is a big responsibility of ours that we think about this institution of our children as well
So that we can save them from Haram (forbidden)
So can you give a last advice to mothers about their children that how should they act about it
We make many decisions depending upon today's requirement and current benefits or loss
And we think that this is everything, but if we think little ahead, even from worldly matters
That we don’t get our children marry at the right time nor do we chose proper spouses for them
Though we are told to make Deen and Taqwa (piety and being conscious of Allah) as the foundation of such choices
What will happen to their children? Are they going to leave them behind as it is?
If they don't have further lineage or someone to look after them or a proper house
That they become a responsibility on others
So are we willing to see our children in the same way?
And that we need add an extra addition to the number of the population of the Ummah of the Prophet (peace be upon him) through marriage
Shall we throw it behind our backs?
Suppose a child's career has been groomed very nicely, and now he earns in lakhs
For whom is he earning now?
Ultimately what will be the use of his wealth?
Will he be taking everything along with him when he parts from the world?
It is really advantageous that a person turn away or ignores his responsibility?
In a way this includes in our obligatory deeds whether we are the mothers of son or a daughter
That the moment our children reach the age of puberty we start getting concerned about their marriages
And we must do whatever we can do within our capacity
Finally I would say that since getting married is also a command from Allah,
And a Muslim is one who after getting a command submits himself
Whether it is against my desires or my wishes yet
My Emaan (faith) tells me that here lies my benefits whatever my Lord has told me
Thank you both of you
Dear Viewers, one important thing that we understood is that
It is our Lord who has commanded us and we need to make this belief very firm in ourselves
Whenever we think about our children career and many other things about them
We have to remind ourselves repeatedly that when times arrives,
according to the Qur’an and Sunnah we should also think about their marriages too
And we have to remember one more thing
A marriage is not a union of two perfect people
Rather both of them bring their own packages which has good as well as bad
It may have shortage of something and beauty of something
But when two imperfect people come together they join to build a very good relation
Which is very essential for the survival of our society
Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings.