My husband recently told me he likes someone in his workplace. He says that even my broken nail has not touched her but I do have feelings for her. He ensured me that you are still in my heart and "I love you" and in no way no way I am putting you down.

He is Masha Allaah a very pious, loving, caring, and thoughtful husband. We have been married for Masha Allah 10 years with ups and down but never with something that can't be overcome. At first it was shocking for me, I did fight that night but after that I am trying to be loving, responsible and make things work. I joke about it some times, taunt him and I pray Allah for His help and mercy. I can't tell it to other people, I don't want to put my relationship bad in other people eyes and I don't trust people. Guide me how to help him overcome it. Any help and support will be appreciated and your site seems better to me to get third person perspective. Waiting for your response. Thank you

Answered by: Shk Zafar ul Hasan
Translated by: Nisaar Nadiawala

The sister has shown her worries that inspite of having lots of happiness in life yet her husband is diverted towards another lady and he desires to marry her. Islamically, it cannot be considered as haram, but the issues is about our sister who is unable to accept the arrival of second wife. She wants to know if there is any way out of it or not?

I must tell the sister that Allah has commanded (allowed) to have four wives at a time for a man as stated in the Qur'an, Surah Nisa' verse 3, "Marry women of your choice, two, three and four, but if you cannot do justice then marry only one."

Allah has permitted man to marry more than one wife, and the purpose of marriage is to have peace and tranquility in life. Allah has not permitted multiple wives to destroy your peace and happiness but for peace and comfort. So if a man finds some defects in his wife's nature or self or any draw back in her personality or if there is a religious purpose which cannot be fulfilled by one wife or the present wife then with the condition of justice and equality between them, Allah has permitted to marry second, third and fourth wife.

But if you fear that you will not be able to do justice or may not be able to provide domestic needs in terms of food and money, the Allah commands to marry only one. Allah has meant very clearly that marriage is not just for fun but to establish peace and comfort. It is essential that men and women understand the purpose of nikah. It is stated in Surah Room, ch 30 verse 21, "So that you may find solace (comfort and peace) in them". It is about establishing an environment of love and affection. Any thing that disturbs peace should be avoided.

Therefore, it is advisable to go into second marriage with a correct purpose and social benefits as well, along with maintaining affection and love. But if things turn out sour and hard for a man then it is not permitted for him to take a second wife.

So if a man has a practicing wife, with kids and happiness around and a lot of affections in family and wife is serving you from all aspects fulfills all your halal needs, yet if his heart inclines towards another female at the workplace, then I dont think such marriage can be a blessed one, because this marriage is not a result of a need but mutual attraction at workplace. Just getting married on the basis of getting infatuated by the style of a Non-Mahram lady whose personality or talent appeals him can invite a lot of troubles and hardships in future.

That is why I explained that second, third and fourth marriage should be considered only after checking the circumstances and situations as well as needs. This is my suggestion for the man.

With regards to the sister, if her husband is under such situation then she should supplicate this dua from Surah Furqan, verse 74 , “Rabbana hab lana min azwaajina wa dhurriyyaatina qurrata a‘yunin waj‘alna lil-muttaqeena imaama(Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqoon (the pious))”

And pray sincerely to Allah to remove infatuation from her husbands heart and mind. This is what I can say. If a man is stubborn then he can only be advised but not stopped.

And Allaah knows best.