Friday Lessons

How to conquer your spouse's heart and rule it?

by: Shaykh Zafar ul Hasan
How to conquer your Spouse's Heart and Rule it? Muslim family Husband and wife

And among His signs is that He has created mates for you from yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them. And We have developed Affection and Mercy between you (both). Indeed in it, is a sign for a people who ponder. (Al-Rum, 31:21)

The above verse speaks volumes about husband-wife relations, in a bunch of words. The most important binding factor and one that preserves the love between the couples is loyalty and trustworthiness. Peace, tranquility and comfort can be established in the homes only when each of the spouses takes care of the other.

How Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) upheld her husband's temperament

 Understanding each other's temperament is a factor that beautifies the marital life. Temperament includes, likes, dislikes, choices, dreams, visions, habits and other life styles. Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) used to get one day with her husband after waiting for nine days. This was because the Prophet (peace be upon him) had other wives too and one day was allotted to each of them. Consider how eagerly she must be counting the days while waiting for her turn!

  One day while they were resting, the Prophet (peace be upon him) got up and pushed away his bed sheet saying, "Aisha leave me for sometime so that I can worship my Lord." She responded, "I would never like to let you go after waiting for so many days. As it is, your obligatory prayers are already offered and other routine is also done but I will like what you like. So you can pray." Aisha (Allah be pleased with her) adapted to her husband's choice and their home was a peaceful one.

So that you can find 'Solace" in her

Now read the above verse again and note the purpose of a wife in a man's life, "So that you may find solace in her." When a man returns home, mentally and physically exhausted after a day's work, he hopes for comfort in his home.

 The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "The best wife is the one, whose husband gets freshen up the moment he sees her warmly welcoming him at home."

 The two powerful terms 'Mawaddah' and 'Rahmah'

If you study the title verse mentioned above, carefully, you will realise that there are two other bounties of Allah mentioned in the marital life. Mawaddah and Rahmah are the two terms that reflects why couples manage to stay together for decades and continue loving each other. Mawaddah is derived from the root word 'Wadda' which denotes extreme affection and care, where as 'Rahmah' is the Mercy that makes one feel the pain of each other's troubles and holding a caring nature towards each other.

Mawaddah covers a lot of emotional comfort. The wives serves her husband, takes care of him and his house. Similarly a husband too provides a lot of affection to his wife and he provides her home and meets her expenses. Love is not enough to bind the loving couple but affection and mercy are equally vital and essential in a family life.