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Some Widespread Fears that are Destroying the Institution of Marriage

by: Nisaar Nadiadwala

Helen Smith is an American writer who is working on her book called Men On Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - And Why It Matters. She has interviewed men all across America to reach the nucleus of the cause. The problem isn't that men are immature or lazy. Instead, they're responding rationally to the incentives in today's society, the writer claims.

Lately, I was introduced to an American website, which gave umpteen reasons to discourage men from getting married. It appeared to me that the site was reflecting on the sick masochism to protest against women liberation in the West. They have their own weird reasons as to why men should not marry, giving a new trend in misogyny.


Media snatches away the respect of fathers

A couple of generations ago, a man wasn't considered fully an adult until he was married with kids. But today, fathers are figures of fun more than figures of respect. This is the fallout of media impact, where the fathers are shown as buffoons being booed by their own kids and wives in comedy shows. As I always say, comedy is not an innocent entertainment. When entertainment is presented innocently, it is a bigger danger to be aware of. In an Islamic family, the fathers are advised by one of the pious Khalifa, Ali bin Abi Talib (ra), to be friendly with the children but yet hang a stick to announce and demand discipline.

In a Hollywood movie, ‘Juno’, the married guy Jason Bateman, realized that in his entire, huge house, he only had a large closet to keep in all the stuffs he loved. Many young men had blogged that this scene really touched them and they fear raising families.


The Marriages that begin with a fear of divorce

As per the law in many parts of the West, a divorced man could lose kids, as well as his money. In addition, they may not even be his own kids. Lots of men Helen Smith, the above mentioned author, spoke to, were keenly aware of the dangers pertaining to divorce, and worried that if they were married and it soured up, the woman might take everything away, including the kids. Other men were concerned that they might wind up paying child support for kids who aren't even theirs- a very real possibility in many American states.


The working conditions and the expensive lifestyle of the West

In order to meet an expensive lifestyle, a man is forced to let his wife work too; but if the wife decides to stop working, the man has fewer options in career. He may have to drag careers he hates, or work for abusive and exploitative management, work for excessively long hours, work in jobs that are physically threatening and have no growth potential, endure prolonged commutes, etc. This causes damage to his thinking process and for his dead ambitions, he blames the responsibility of running the family singlehandedly that is hammered upon him. Islam has already taught the wives to adjust with the little money that their husbands bring in; while running the family gives the men an edge of seniority over wives as the Qur’an says in Surah Nisa’a, verse 34: Some are given bounties over the others because they spend from their earnings. A popular hadith encourages women: A woman who dies while her husband was happy with her will be given an entry from any of the eight gates of Jannah she wants to.


The Fear of losing freedom

A common saying goes like: A friend married is a friend lost. For many men, evenings are only meant for clubs and stadiums, whereas Sundays are for rest. Stories of laboring Sundays and chained evenings, and scenes of fathers carrying their kids like kangaroos have made many people nodding their heads for a wide no to being hooked.

The value of a family life is getting faded while the single life is appearing brighter. Not long ago, affairs were frowned at and affairs minus commitment were absolutely rejected, but today, commitment is a fearful term. Today, even blind dating is easy and having a crush is as common as having cough and cold in winter.

In Islam, a man who helps in domestic work is counted among the best husbands. The most ideal person for the Muslims, Prophet Mohammed (pbuh), did not prefer talking with people after the night prayers, rather went back home unless there was something very important. If you stare at the Sun, your eyesight will be harmed.