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Mama's Boy vs Devout Husband

by: Nisaar Nadiadwala

A couple in my friend circle always fought, but both claimed that they love each other a lot. Therefore, in spite of fights none of the two ever thought of parting ways. One of the main allegations of the husband was, "She always objects when I serve my mother or when my mother suggests her something regarding my choices". One of the main complaints of the wife was, "He is totally his mama's boy, even at this age and after three kids". 

One of the most complicated definitions is MAMA'S BOY, a title which can have many perspectives and contexts. For some sons, it may be that they don't want to part from their mother's care which they had enjoyed since childhood. For them it is a life-long affair. So some mothers transfer a few tips to their daughters-in-law about their "handle-with-care" sons. But many wives are not of that type, rather, they prefer to handle him on their own. But the son does not want to change the status quo. So here is a one type of  MAMA'S BOY and the blame is burdened upon the poor mother that she has pampered her son so much that he cannot stay independently with his wife but still needs her support.

The other type of MAMA'S BOY are in total control of their moms. The lady happens to be a dominating one as an authority of the house expecting perfections and things at her command. The finance is in her hands and even the salary of her sons are surrendered to her. Her consent is essential if any major decision has to be taken by the son, like going for a holiday with his wife or buying jewelry for wife. If the daughter-in-law is not dominating but docile, then things go very smooth except for a few grumbles, but if she too is dominating, then the phrase "I am a sandwich between my mother and my wife" may hold true. As they say in Urdu "There cannot be two swords in one sheath". 

Then there is a not-so-MAMA'S BOY, but he appears to be so because of his serving nature towards his mother. He knows that obedience and kindness towards parents are put up very high in Qur'anic laws. His other siblings may not be so attentive so he has grabbed the opportunity of being the kindest towards his mother. A woman married to such a man is among the luckiest as the rule says "If he cannot be grateful and good to his mother how can he be good to his wife?" It is a sign of good grooming that the man is serving his parents and the wife does not object but co-operates as the Qur'an commands: Help each other in Birr and Taqwa - and how can serving parents be not an act of Birr and Taqwa? This man does not snatch away the rights of his wife too, but he knows well that the status of a mother is always higher in terms of respect and serving. 

There is another category of MAMA'S BOY who needs to be cautioned. They are lazy, careless and totally dependent upon their mothers right from their school days. They were more of a burden upon their mothers and now that their wives cannot play that role, they still look up to their aging mothers to help them out. This category of boys will be more of the fighting types and really needs counseling, sound advice and a change of habits. There is nothing wrong with the mother but it is the boy who needs attention.