"The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" is a very popular poem by William Ross Wallace, now widely used as an idiom that means women have great power and influence over the development of children. The proverb screams about the importance of a mother in a child’s life.
Maternal milk, in the initial days of a baby's life, holds immense significance. It provides vital nourishment and essential antibodies crucial for the newborn's health and development. This natural source of nutrition offers a delicate balance of nutrients and immune-boosting elements, shielding the infant against infections and allergies while minimizing the risk of various childhood illnesses. Apart from its nutritional value, nursing creates a special bond between mother and child, fostering emotional security and enhancing cognitive growth.
وَٱلۡوَٰلِدَٰتُ يُرۡضِعۡنَ أَوۡلَٰدَهُنَّ حَوۡلَيۡنِ كَامِلَيۡنِۖ لِمَنۡ أَرَادَ أَن يُتِمَّ ٱلرَّضَاعَةَۚ
The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling
(Surah Al-Baqarah 2:233)
It is a mother who teaches her children how to wash and clean their bodies. The language of the child is called, the ‘mother tongue’ because they learn to talk by listening to their mother's dialects, accent and vocabulary. Everything in children is influenced by their mothers, including their absence.
As Westerners go into childless society mode, those Muslims who are following them are another trend brewing up within the Muslims is to avoid children or delay motherhood. Many of these unfortunate women are working women who want to spend and celebrate their careers. The fact that women are exempted even from going to the Masjid for prayers shows how important it is for her to be at home.
Women who can breed multiple children are labeled as affectionate and given preference to marry as per sunnah. Now that Western society has been going through a pinch and realizing the importance of motherhood. The shootout of transgender in campus throws light on the importance of the mother-daughter relationship as well as mother-son relationships.
حَدَّثَنَا أَحْمَدُ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، حَدَّثَنَا يَزِيدُ بْنُ هَارُونَ، أَخْبَرَنَا مُسْتَلِمُ بْنُ سَعِيدِ ابْنُ أُخْتِ، مَنْصُورِ بْنِ زَاذَانَ عَنْ مَنْصُورٍ، - يَعْنِي ابْنَ زَاذَانَ - عَنْ مُعَاوِيَةَ بْنِ قُرَّةَ، عَنْ مَعْقِلِ بْنِ يَسَارٍ، قَالَ جَاءَ رَجُلٌ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ إِنِّي أَصَبْتُ امْرَأَةً ذَاتَ حَسَبٍ وَجَمَالٍ وَإِنَّهَا لاَ تَلِدُ أَفَأَتَزَوَّجُهَا قَالَ " لاَ " . ثُمَّ أَتَاهُ الثَّانِيَةَ فَنَهَاهُ ثُمَّ أَتَاهُ الثَّالِثَةَ فَقَالَ " تَزَوَّجُوا الْوَدُودَ الْوَلُودَ فَإِنِّي مُكَاثِرٌ بِكُمُ الأُمَمَ "
A man came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said: I have found a woman of rank and beauty, but she does not give birth to children. Should I marry her? He said: No. He came again to him, but he prohibited him. He came to him third time, and he (the Prophet) said: marry women who are loving and very prolific, for I shall outnumber the peoples by you.
(Abu Dawood:2050)
The fact that homeschooling is the fastest-growing trend in the West shows that mothers are returning home to take up their duties of supervising and monitoring their children’s growth. But this returning home should be a focused one. And here are a few introspective questions for every mother who wants to be along with her children in paradise.
- Do you let your children know that they’re more important to you than your phone? They should. They desperately need your time/attention. Psychologists ensure that if mobile-glued mothers transfer their few hours more from screen to children, society will see an improved generation.
- Do you communicate enough with your children and convey how to distinguish between the good and the evil? Do share with them the stories of the prophets and Salaf to instill manners and spirituality in them. Just like charity, learning discipline also begins at home.
- Are you delegating your motherhood to screens, videogames and babysitters or are you enjoying doing it yourself? Isa ibn Maryam (peace be upon him), Imam Malik, Imam Bukhari and others who are influencers for good people were groomed by their mothers.
If you still do not agree that motherhood can be delegated to babysitters, video screens and games, you must check out the conditions of the children in the US and UK. Though the news of child pregnancy in girls as young as 13-14, the craze for getting into transgender, and crime by boys in schools and streets do not occupy the main pages of newspapers anymore, but they do occupy the minds of concerned parents and sociologists. I am sure you understand the importance of mothers at home now.
Similary children should also understand importance of mother in their lives. Islam has given special place to mothers which can be validated from hadith below
طَلْحَةَ عَنْ مُعَاوِيَةَ بْنِ جَاهِمَةَ السُّلَمِيِّ، أَنَّ جَاهِمَةَ، جَاءَ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَرَدْتُ أَنْ أَغْزُوَ وَقَدْ جِئْتُ أَسْتَشِيرُكَ . فَقَالَ " هَلْ لَكَ مِنْ أُمٍّ " . قَالَ نَعَمْ . قَالَ " فَالْزَمْهَا فَإِنَّ الْجَنَّةَ تَحْتَ رِجْلَيْهَا "
It was narrated from Mu'awiyah bin Jahimah As-Sulami, that Jahimah came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said: "O Messenger of Allah! I want to go out and fight (in Jihad) and I have come to ask your advice." He said: "Do you have a mother?" He said: "Yes." He said: "Then stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet."
(Sunnan An-Nasai:3104)
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو كُرَيْبٍ، مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ الْعَلاَءِ الْهَمْدَانِيُّ حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ فُضَيْلٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ عُمَارَةَ، بْنِ الْقَعْقَاعِ عَنْ أَبِي زُرْعَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَجُلٌ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَنْ أَحَقُّ بِحُسْنِ الصُّحْبَةِ قَالَ " أُمُّكَ ثُمَّ أُمُّكَ ثُمَّ أُمُّكَ ثُمَّ أَبُوكَ ثُمَّ أَدْنَاكَ أَدْنَاكَ "
Abu Huraira reported that a person said: Allah's Messenger, who amongst the people is most deserving of my good treatment? He said: Your mother, again your mother, again your mother, then your father, then your nearest relatives according to the order (of nearness).
(Sahih Muslim:2548b)
وَقَالَ اللَّيْثُ حَدَّثَنِي هِشَامٌ، عَنْ عُرْوَةَ، عَنْ أَسْمَاءَ، قَالَتْ قَدِمَتْ أُمِّي وَهْىَ مُشْرِكَةٌ فِي عَهْدِ قُرَيْشٍ وَمُدَّتِهِمْ، إِذْ عَاهَدُوا النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم مَعَ أَبِيهَا، فَاسْتَفْتَيْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقُلْتُ إِنَّ أُمِّي قَدِمَتْ وَهْىَ رَاغِبَةٌ {أَفَأَصِلُهَا} قَالَ " نَعَمْ صِلِي أُمَّكِ "
Narrated Asma': "My mother who was a Mushrikah (pagan, etc.), came with her father during the period of peace pact between the Muslims and the Quraish infidels. I went to seek the advice of the Prophet (ﷺ) saying, "My mother has arrived and she is hoping (for my favor)." The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Yes, be good to your mother."
(Sahih Al-Bukhari:5979)
Allah commands in Qur'an
وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَٰنَ بِوَٰلِدَيۡهِ حُسۡنٗاۖ وَإِن جَٰهَدَاكَ لِتُشۡرِكَ بِي مَا لَيۡسَ لَكَ بِهِۦ عِلۡمٞ فَلَا تُطِعۡهُمَآۚ إِلَيَّ مَرۡجِعُكُمۡ فَأُنَبِّئُكُم بِمَا كُنتُمۡ تَعۡمَلُونَ
And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents, but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.
(Surah Al-Ankaboot 29:8)
In another verse Allah informs about the duty towards parents
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلۡوَٰلِدَيۡنِ إِحۡسَٰنًاۚ إِمَّا يَبۡلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلۡكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوۡ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفّٖ وَلَا تَنۡهَرۡهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوۡلٗا كَرِيمٗا
And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.
(Surah Isra 17:23)
Respecting and honoring our parents' status, regardless of their beliefs or actions, is essential. Even when they may make things difficult for us regarding matters permissible in Islam, showing them kindness and companionship is crucial. Allah's command to treat our parents well extends even to non-Muslim parents who may encourage beliefs contrary to our own.
If they urge us towards what they sincerely believe is good, even if it inconveniences us regarding something permissible, obeying and fulfilling their wishes is commendable. Though not obligatory, it signifies sacrifice and prioritizing their well-being as they rightfully deserve kindness and respect. The Quran emphasizes obedience to parents immediately after worshipping Allah, showcasing the profound importance of this act of obedience in Islam.
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